Drawing the bath I’ll never get to take

Being a mom is hard. I love it, but it’s hard. I’ve always been a busy person. I like to do multiple things at once. I like having a clean house. When our baby arrived, I suddenly found that I was no longer able to spend 3 hours a day cleaning. Or even able do a load of dishes every day! Instead I was changing diapers, cleaning spit up off baby’s face, changing clothes that baby had spit up on, feeding baby or calming a crying baby. I read comments of people saying “don’t worry about having a messy house,” but I refused to accept that! I thought I could do it all and when I couldn’t, I got discouraged. How was I so busy all day and nothing got done??

From the second I found out I was pregnant, I loved my child. When they put her on my chest right after she was born, I loved her even more. I instantly became a mother. It was crazy how much I cared for that little girl. And every day, that loves grows stronger.

My role as a mother is to take care of my baby. That means I wake up 5 times a night to cuddle and feed her. I hold her when she wants to be held. I entertain her throughout the day. I take her everywhere I go. I protect her. It’s amazing. I love every second of it! Yes, every second. Sometimes I get frustrated, sometimes I think, “why don’t you just SLEEP?!” But then I get up, see that sad face and my heart melts. Sure I’m still tired, but I realize that it doesn’t matter because my baby needs me. Being a mother means putting someone else’s needs before your own. It means that my house might not always be clean, but I have to do my best.

Amelia has been going through a phase where she won’t let me out of her sight. She screams as soon as I put her down or leave the room. It’s exhausting! But as much as it tires me, I’m so grateful I get to be home with her. I’m grateful to my husband that he works so I can be with our little girl. And so this week I’ve been carrying her around the house in a babywrap I made. She seems to love it. She gets to snuggle and mama never leaves her sight! I’ve found that I can do dishes, fold laundry and vacuum all while she’s being held by me. It’s amazing!

But today was different. I was folding some clothes with Amelia strapped to my chest because she was crying. I took a moment to look down and she was just staring at me. Just staring! But I could see the love in her big, blue eyes and my heart just fluttered. All of the exhaustion from the night before, all the dishes waiting for me in the sink just faded away because I knew my baby was happy. There can be days when she just screams, but then there are moments that make it all worth it. Even now, writing this post  I am walking around with a baby strapped to my chest because I know as soon as I sit, she will know it and wake up. But it’s worth it! My back is aching, but she’s sleeping so soundly.

There are nights when my husband gets home and I hand him the baby because I just need a minute to myself. I go get a warm bath ready. And just as I’m about to get in, I hear the baby cry. And I smile. I just smile because even though it was a rough day, I know my husband is trying his best to give me 10 minutes of peace. So I give up on my bath and give the baby one instead to calm her down. That’s what happens though! Getting the laundry all ready to be washed but then you can’t do it because baby needs to be fed. Or needing to go to the store, but you can’t because the baby is fussy. Thinking, “I just need 5 minutes to clean!” But you can’t because your baby refuses to be put down. That is being a mom.

I’ve come to cherish every moment with my daughter. When she won’t let me sit, leave the room, or take a nap, I cherish the moments because I know it won’t last forever. Being a mom is hard. But it is so rewarding and I know that my life is now hers! Everything my husband and I do is for her and for each other.

In honor of International Women’s Day,  I found this passage in Proverbs that I think is fitting.

Proverbs 31:10-31

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.                           The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

 

There is no greater calling than that of a mother. I’m grateful to all mothers who love their children even through the rough times. I’m grateful to my daughter. For showing me love by wanting me close to her, for laughing right when I think I can’t bear any more. My husband and I love her so much. She makes our life perfect. We live to make her happy and do all we can to keep her safe. That is what being a mother is about. And it truly is my favorite thing. So kiss your babies, mamas. When you think you can’t handle anymore, cuddle them and kiss them because they need you. And being so small won’t last forever.